So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
