I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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