So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
