Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
