I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
