Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
