This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
