great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
