I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can text with my tongue
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
