the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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