I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
