In America we eat man semen.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
