There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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