I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
