I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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