There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
