hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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