Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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