I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
