He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
