I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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