I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
