My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
