oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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