Non-Jews are for practice
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
