...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
