All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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