I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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