Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
