i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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