I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
