Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
