someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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