Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
