how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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