She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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