He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
