Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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