his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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