Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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