I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
