I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
