Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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