She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
