Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
