I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
