I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
