i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
