it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
