I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
be right there i have to get my cape
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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