Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
