u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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