i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
