we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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