i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
