How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
