So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
