I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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