Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
