why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
