Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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