My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We left an ass print on the piano.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
