Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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