I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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