in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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