I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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