Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
