did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
