Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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