I got chris browned last night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
